A timely email....

There is only one reason for stress. We may tell ourselves that there are many reasons: our job, our children, our partner, our lack of partner, health problems, financial difficulties, and more. But underneath all of these is only one thing: fear. Fear creates stress because it involves the perception of being unsafe, being out of control, being a victim of life’s circumstances.

We see ourselves as unsafe rather than safe when we make two assumptions: first, that in order to be safe we must be in control; and second, that we are not. Fear is tied to the need to control, and it will dog us until our dying day unless we give up that need. If we do give up that need, we realize that we have always been safe, and that the only thing keeping us from that awareness is the fear that we are not.

We can’t become safe by establishing control over anything or anybody (including ourselves) because our control can never be more than temporary. We can control a person’s behavior (a child, a family member or friend) for a while, getting them to do what we think is right, but in the end that person will slip out of our grasp, leaving us upset, disappointed, heartbroken or irritated unless we give up control. We can control our career or finances for a while, but chances are something will come along and ruin our best-laid plans.

We put a lot of energy into controlling ourselves. We discipline ourselves, criticize ourselves, set ourselves endless agendas, and more. This has value, but there are repercussions. The more we control ourselves, the more our subconscious rebels and eventually kicks up such a storm (through resentment, illness, accidents, and so on) that our life really spins out of control.

We have negligible control over the big questions in life. If we try to make it otherwise, we get STRESS. We can’t control life because we are part of it. Trying to control it is being a drop of water trying to control the ocean. If we learn how to become part of life’s ocean instead of reacting to it, however, we can feel supported. To do that is to see what is around us as an integral part of ourselves, instead of as something separate, alien and potentially threatening.

We let go of stress when we relax into being part of what is. If we can be fully present, without resistance, with each passing moment, we find that life is going in exactly the direction it was meant to go, and that everything is perfect.

Stress-Relief: Part Six by Ingrid Bacci http://www.ingridbacci.com/